Tags

Pitt student sued by port authority after being run over by a bus

Breaking News, a Pitt student is being sued by the Port Authority after being run over by a bus. The Port Authority is suing for 12.5 million dollars as that is the damage his limp bo...

Pitt student sued by port authority after being run over by a bus

Breaking News, a Pitt student is being sued by the Port Authority after being run over by a bus. The Port Authority is suing for 12.5 million dollars as that is the damage his limp bo...

Pitt student sued by port authority after being run over by a bus

Breaking News, a Pitt student is being sued by the Port Authority after being run over by a bus. The Port Authority is suing for 12.5 million dollars as that is the damage his limp bo...

Nordenberg Hall sets fire to its own residents in a bout of revenge, Resident Director claims

On Saturday, September 17th, Nordenberg Hall experienced its third fire-related evacuation of the semester. The hall, mainly inhabited by freshman students and misfortunate Resident A...

University of Pittsburgh Dining Hall Gets Name Change

As of October 1, 2022, The Eatery at Towers will now go by the name of The Shittery. This name change comes after multiple gastroenterologists at the University of Pittsburgh Medical ...

The Best LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga Easter Eggs You Probably Missed!

The brand new LEGO Star Wars game is finally here, and it’s everything we’ve been waiting for! Outside of the amazing main storyline, there are TONS of quirky easter eggs hidden aroun...

Questionable Roommate Pact: Pitt Student Forced into Lifetime Indentured Servitude

Let’s face it: none of us take the time to read the terms and conditions. They are far too long, and far too boring. What could even be there, right? After all, terms and conditions a...

Questionable Roommate Pact: Pitt Student Forced into Lifetime Indentured Servitude

Let’s face it: none of us take the time to read the terms and conditions. They are far too long, and far too boring. What could even be there, right? After all, terms and conditions a...

Questionable Roommate Pact: Pitt Student Forced into Lifetime Indentured Servitude

Let’s face it: none of us take the time to read the terms and conditions. They are far too long, and far too boring. What could even be there, right? After all, terms and conditions a...

To Our Surprise, 'Pittsburgh Popcorn Company' in Oakland Actually Not Front for the Mob

Have you ever seen anyone enter or leave from the popcorn shop on Fifth Avenue? Have you ever even noticed anyone working behind the counter, or witnessed a stranger walking along, ea...

Questionable Roommate Pact: Pitt Student Forced into Lifetime Indentured Servitude

Let’s face it: none of us take the time to read the terms and conditions. They are far too long, and far too boring. What could even be there, right? After all, terms and conditions a...

Celebrating Encanto’s Run on the Billboard Hot 100

Disney’s smash-hit animated movie Encanto makes history with its song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”, which held the number one spot of the Billboard Hot 100 for just over 5 weeks after ...

Celebrating Encanto’s Run on the Billboard Hot 100

Disney’s smash-hit animated movie Encanto makes history with its song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”, which held the number one spot of the Billboard Hot 100 for just over 5 weeks after ...

Celebrating Encanto’s Run on the Billboard Hot 100

Disney’s smash-hit animated movie Encanto makes history with its song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”, which held the number one spot of the Billboard Hot 100 for just over 5 weeks after ...

Celebrating Encanto’s Run on the Billboard Hot 100

Disney’s smash-hit animated movie Encanto makes history with its song “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”, which held the number one spot of the Billboard Hot 100 for just over 5 weeks after ...

An All-encompassing Guide to the 2022 Final Four

Well, well, well. Look who’s back. Your bracket is busted, your hopes and dreams have been ground into little chunks, and you need some last-ditch betting advice to afford a rose for ...

An All-encompassing Guide to the 2022 Final Four

Well, well, well. Look who’s back. Your bracket is busted, your hopes and dreams have been ground into little chunks, and you need some last-ditch betting advice to afford a rose for ...

I’m a Russian Sleeper Agent

I don’t want to sound ungrateful but, I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I mean this is not new, I have been waiting for years and I have not gotten any more instructions. Also,...

I’m a Russian Sleeper Agent

I don’t want to sound ungrateful but, I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I mean this is not new, I have been waiting for years and I have not gotten any more instructions. Also,...

The Best LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga Easter Eggs You Probably Missed!

The brand new LEGO Star Wars game is finally here, and it’s everything we’ve been waiting for! Outside of the amazing main storyline, there are TONS of quirky easter eggs hidden aroun...

The Best LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga Easter Eggs You Probably Missed!

The brand new LEGO Star Wars game is finally here, and it’s everything we’ve been waiting for! Outside of the amazing main storyline, there are TONS of quirky easter eggs hidden aroun...

The Best LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga Easter Eggs You Probably Missed!

The brand new LEGO Star Wars game is finally here, and it’s everything we’ve been waiting for! Outside of the amazing main storyline, there are TONS of quirky easter eggs hidden aroun...

Opinion: It’s Time to Repeal the Third Amendment

Okay, okay, settle down now. I know that all of you 3rd Amendment stans might take this the wrong way, but I can assure you that I will have changed your mind on this subject by the e...

University of Pittsburgh Dining Hall Gets Name Change

As of October 1, 2022, The Eatery at Towers will now go by the name of The Shittery. This name change comes after multiple gastroenterologists at the University of Pittsburgh Medical ...

University of Pittsburgh Dining Hall Gets Name Change

As of October 1, 2022, The Eatery at Towers will now go by the name of The Shittery. This name change comes after multiple gastroenterologists at the University of Pittsburgh Medical ...

University of Pittsburgh Dining Hall Gets Name Change

As of October 1, 2022, The Eatery at Towers will now go by the name of The Shittery. This name change comes after multiple gastroenterologists at the University of Pittsburgh Medical ...

Nordenberg Hall sets fire to its own residents in a bout of revenge, Resident Director claims

On Saturday, September 17th, Nordenberg Hall experienced its third fire-related evacuation of the semester. The hall, mainly inhabited by freshman students and misfortunate Resident A...

Nordenberg Hall sets fire to its own residents in a bout of revenge, Resident Director claims

On Saturday, September 17th, Nordenberg Hall experienced its third fire-related evacuation of the semester. The hall, mainly inhabited by freshman students and misfortunate Resident A...

Nordenberg Hall sets fire to its own residents in a bout of revenge, Resident Director claims

On Saturday, September 17th, Nordenberg Hall experienced its third fire-related evacuation of the semester. The hall, mainly inhabited by freshman students and misfortunate Resident A...

Dr. Oz declared winner of Pennsylvania Senate race after thousands of absentee ballots arrive from New Jersey at the 11th hour

In a shocking turn of events, noted pseudoscientist and Harvard alumnus Dr. Mehmet Oz has been declared the winner of the Pennsylvania senate race after thousands of mail-in ballots p...

Dr. Oz declared winner of Pennsylvania Senate race after thousands of absentee ballots arrive from New Jersey at the 11th hour

In a shocking turn of events, noted pseudoscientist and Harvard alumnus Dr. Mehmet Oz has been declared the winner of the Pennsylvania senate race after thousands of mail-in ballots p...

Dr. Oz declared winner of Pennsylvania Senate race after thousands of absentee ballots arrive from New Jersey at the 11th hour

In a shocking turn of events, noted pseudoscientist and Harvard alumnus Dr. Mehmet Oz has been declared the winner of the Pennsylvania senate race after thousands of mail-in ballots p...

Dr. Oz declared winner of Pennsylvania Senate race after thousands of absentee ballots arrive from New Jersey at the 11th hour

In a shocking turn of events, noted pseudoscientist and Harvard alumnus Dr. Mehmet Oz has been declared the winner of the Pennsylvania senate race after thousands of mail-in ballots p...

Dr. Oz declared winner of Pennsylvania Senate race after thousands of absentee ballots arrive from New Jersey at the 11th hour

In a shocking turn of events, noted pseudoscientist and Harvard alumnus Dr. Mehmet Oz has been declared the winner of the Pennsylvania senate race after thousands of mail-in ballots p...

Opinion: The Cathedral is a Phallic Stain Upon This Campus

I’ll be the first one to say it – the cathedral’s got to go. It’s not because it’s old, or poorly lit inside. It’s not because the desks are falling apart and the bathroom is always o...

Oakland’s Vigilantes Plead Residents to Refrain From Screaming “Help” in Middle of Night Unless in Sincere Danger

Many of Oakland’s very own amateur crimestoppers have begun to speak out against a viral trend where participants out in public loudly scream that they are in peril and require immedi...

Opinion: It's a shame adults can't go trick-or-treating

You know, when I was a kid, me and my friends would go trick-or-treating and get really into it. Like I found the people giving out the king-sized candy bars and had multiple costumes...

Joan Gabel Named Leading Suspect in Grizzly Murders of Union Members

The University of Pittsburgh’s Chancellor, Joan Gabel, was recently named the leading suspect in a string of brutal murders that occurred this past weekend. All of the victims were ei...

Oakland’s Vigilantes Plead Residents to Refrain From Screaming “Help” in Middle of Night Unless in Sincere Danger

Many of Oakland’s very own amateur crimestoppers have begun to speak out against a viral trend where participants out in public loudly scream that they are in peril and require immedi...

Oakland’s Vigilantes Plead Residents to Refrain From Screaming “Help” in Middle of Night Unless in Sincere Danger

Many of Oakland’s very own amateur crimestoppers have begun to speak out against a viral trend where participants out in public loudly scream that they are in peril and require immedi...

Oakland’s Vigilantes Plead Residents to Refrain From Screaming “Help” in Middle of Night Unless in Sincere Danger

Many of Oakland’s very own amateur crimestoppers have begun to speak out against a viral trend where participants out in public loudly scream that they are in peril and require immedi...

Professor Apologizes After Rescheduling Office Hours No One Planned to Attend to Begin With

In an email memo sent out this afternoon, HIST 0187 Professor Fulcrum Banks apologized profusely for rescheduling his Wednesday office hours from 12-1 pm to 2-3 pm EST. Banks cited a ...

Students at Ease After Child Prodigy Calls Class “No Big Deal”

The end of the add-drop period is usually a hectic, panic-driven time for students. Some try to squeeze into the best section for a class, per www.RateMyProfessors.com. Others need to...

Professor Apologizes After Rescheduling Office Hours No One Planned to Attend to Begin With

In an email memo sent out this afternoon, HIST 0187 Professor Fulcrum Banks apologized profusely for rescheduling his Wednesday office hours from 12-1 pm to 2-3 pm EST. Banks cited a ...

Professor Apologizes After Rescheduling Office Hours No One Planned to Attend to Begin With

In an email memo sent out this afternoon, HIST 0187 Professor Fulcrum Banks apologized profusely for rescheduling his Wednesday office hours from 12-1 pm to 2-3 pm EST. Banks cited a ...

Brave police and security guards hold back ruthless Pitt students from rushing the field after upset win

On Saturday, October 14th, the Pittsburgh Panthers pulled off a shocking upset win against undefeated ACC opponent Louisville. Coming into the matchup at Acrisure Stadium Heinz Field,...

Brave police and security guards hold back ruthless Pitt students from rushing the field after upset win

On Saturday, October 14th, the Pittsburgh Panthers pulled off a shocking upset win against undefeated ACC opponent Louisville. Coming into the matchup at Acrisure Stadium Heinz Field,...

Brave police and security guards hold back ruthless Pitt students from rushing the field after upset win

On Saturday, October 14th, the Pittsburgh Panthers pulled off a shocking upset win against undefeated ACC opponent Louisville. Coming into the matchup at Acrisure Stadium Heinz Field,...

University Announces Plans to Remove Escalators Across Campus

The University of Pittsburgh announced in an email sent to students at 5:23 a.m. Monday morning plans to remove all escalators from academic and residential buildings effective immedi...

Protests briefly disrupt Board of Trustees meeting; administrators displeased

A series of disruptive actions interrupted the University of Pittsburgh’s Board of Trustees meeting on September 29. In the aftermath, administrators’ feelings on the disruptions rang...

Brave police and security guards hold back ruthless Pitt students from rushing the field after upset win

On Saturday, October 14th, the Pittsburgh Panthers pulled off a shocking upset win against undefeated ACC opponent Louisville. Coming into the matchup at Acrisure Stadium Heinz Field,...

Exclusive: A Look Inside the Conduct Violation Hearing for Student Protestors

At the Board of Trustees meeting on September 29, the activist groups Trans Action Building and Fossil Free Pitt were escorted out after repeatedly interrupting the proceedings (you c...

Protests briefly disrupt Board of Trustees meeting; administrators displeased

A series of disruptive actions interrupted the University of Pittsburgh’s Board of Trustees meeting on September 29. In the aftermath, administrators’ feelings on the disruptions rang...

Exclusive: A Look Inside the Conduct Violation Hearing for Student Protestors

At the Board of Trustees meeting on September 29, the activist groups Trans Action Building and Fossil Free Pitt were escorted out after repeatedly interrupting the proceedings (you c...

Protests briefly disrupt Board of Trustees meeting; administrators displeased

A series of disruptive actions interrupted the University of Pittsburgh’s Board of Trustees meeting on September 29. In the aftermath, administrators’ feelings on the disruptions rang...

Exclusive: A Look Inside the Conduct Violation Hearing for Student Protestors

At the Board of Trustees meeting on September 29, the activist groups Trans Action Building and Fossil Free Pitt were escorted out after repeatedly interrupting the proceedings (you c...

Protests briefly disrupt Board of Trustees meeting; administrators displeased

A series of disruptive actions interrupted the University of Pittsburgh’s Board of Trustees meeting on September 29. In the aftermath, administrators’ feelings on the disruptions rang...

Busted! Chancellor Gabel Caught Red-Handed Pulling Fire Alarm to Dispel Union Rally

On January 30 at 12:45 pm, the fire alarm was pulled in the Cathedral of Learning, forcing an evacuation of the entire building. After arriving on the scene, the Pittsburgh Bureau of ...

Joan Gabel Named Leading Suspect in Grizzly Murders of Union Members

The University of Pittsburgh’s Chancellor, Joan Gabel, was recently named the leading suspect in a string of brutal murders that occurred this past weekend. All of the victims were ei...

Protests briefly disrupt Board of Trustees meeting; administrators displeased

A series of disruptive actions interrupted the University of Pittsburgh’s Board of Trustees meeting on September 29. In the aftermath, administrators’ feelings on the disruptions rang...

Exclusive: A Look Inside the Conduct Violation Hearing for Student Protestors

At the Board of Trustees meeting on September 29, the activist groups Trans Action Building and Fossil Free Pitt were escorted out after repeatedly interrupting the proceedings (you c...

Protests briefly disrupt Board of Trustees meeting; administrators displeased

A series of disruptive actions interrupted the University of Pittsburgh’s Board of Trustees meeting on September 29. In the aftermath, administrators’ feelings on the disruptions rang...

Exclusive: A Look Inside the Conduct Violation Hearing for Student Protestors

At the Board of Trustees meeting on September 29, the activist groups Trans Action Building and Fossil Free Pitt were escorted out after repeatedly interrupting the proceedings (you c...

Protests briefly disrupt Board of Trustees meeting; administrators displeased

A series of disruptive actions interrupted the University of Pittsburgh’s Board of Trustees meeting on September 29. In the aftermath, administrators’ feelings on the disruptions rang...

Eatery to Introduce NFTs to dining experience

The Eatery, along with many other dining halls found at other NCAA Div 1 schools, have started a line of NFTs which consist of the college logos as pixel art. The “art” will grant buy...

Eatery to Introduce NFTs to dining experience

The Eatery, along with many other dining halls found at other NCAA Div 1 schools, have started a line of NFTs which consist of the college logos as pixel art. The “art” will grant buy...

Eatery to Introduce NFTs to dining experience

The Eatery, along with many other dining halls found at other NCAA Div 1 schools, have started a line of NFTs which consist of the college logos as pixel art. The “art” will grant buy...

Kitchen Hacks for Busy Moms on the Run

Hey moms! We all have those days. John has to get picked up from school and dropped off at karate, Lacy needs poster board for her project due tomorrow, and you still have to make it ...

Kitchen Hacks for Busy Moms on the Run

Hey moms! We all have those days. John has to get picked up from school and dropped off at karate, Lacy needs poster board for her project due tomorrow, and you still have to make it ...

Kitchen Hacks for Busy Moms on the Run

Hey moms! We all have those days. John has to get picked up from school and dropped off at karate, Lacy needs poster board for her project due tomorrow, and you still have to make it ...

Best Places to Puke on Campus (Verified)

Flu season is here and with it brings that suffocating sickly air that permeates the nostrils and scrambles the brains around. We at The Pitiful News recognize that it can be difficul...

Best Places to Puke on Campus (Verified)

Flu season is here and with it brings that suffocating sickly air that permeates the nostrils and scrambles the brains around. We at The Pitiful News recognize that it can be difficul...

Best Places to Puke on Campus (Verified)

Flu season is here and with it brings that suffocating sickly air that permeates the nostrils and scrambles the brains around. We at The Pitiful News recognize that it can be difficul...

World Peace on Hold as UN Adjourns for Early Lunch

At a quarter to noon this morning, the United Nations took a recess for a midday meal, hoping that the delegates would be able to “beat the downtown traffic,” per spokeswoman Candice ...

World Peace on Hold as UN Adjourns for Early Lunch

At a quarter to noon this morning, the United Nations took a recess for a midday meal, hoping that the delegates would be able to “beat the downtown traffic,” per spokeswoman Candice ...

World Peace on Hold as UN Adjourns for Early Lunch

At a quarter to noon this morning, the United Nations took a recess for a midday meal, hoping that the delegates would be able to “beat the downtown traffic,” per spokeswoman Candice ...

Opinion: The Cathedral is a Phallic Stain Upon This Campus

I’ll be the first one to say it – the cathedral’s got to go. It’s not because it’s old, or poorly lit inside. It’s not because the desks are falling apart and the bathroom is always o...

Opinion: The Cathedral is a Phallic Stain Upon This Campus

I’ll be the first one to say it – the cathedral’s got to go. It’s not because it’s old, or poorly lit inside. It’s not because the desks are falling apart and the bathroom is always o...

Opinion: The Cathedral is a Phallic Stain Upon This Campus

I’ll be the first one to say it – the cathedral’s got to go. It’s not because it’s old, or poorly lit inside. It’s not because the desks are falling apart and the bathroom is always o...

Joan Gabel Named Leading Suspect in Grizzly Murders of Union Members

The University of Pittsburgh’s Chancellor, Joan Gabel, was recently named the leading suspect in a string of brutal murders that occurred this past weekend. All of the victims were ei...

Opinion: It's a shame adults can't go trick-or-treating

You know, when I was a kid, me and my friends would go trick-or-treating and get really into it. Like I found the people giving out the king-sized candy bars and had multiple costumes...

University Announces Plans to Remove Escalators Across Campus

The University of Pittsburgh announced in an email sent to students at 5:23 a.m. Monday morning plans to remove all escalators from academic and residential buildings effective immedi...

University Announces Plans to Remove Escalators Across Campus

The University of Pittsburgh announced in an email sent to students at 5:23 a.m. Monday morning plans to remove all escalators from academic and residential buildings effective immedi...

University Announces Plans to Remove Escalators Across Campus

The University of Pittsburgh announced in an email sent to students at 5:23 a.m. Monday morning plans to remove all escalators from academic and residential buildings effective immedi...

Pitt Merch Alert! The Pitt Shop releases “Perfumed at Pitt” collection of candles inspired by the aromas of Pitt’s Oakland campus

On Friday, November 10th, the Official Pitt Shop announced a line of new scented candles– inspired by the memorable smells students can find on the University of Pittsburgh’s campus. ...

Pitt Merch Alert! The Pitt Shop releases “Perfumed at Pitt” collection of candles inspired by the aromas of Pitt’s Oakland campus

On Friday, November 10th, the Official Pitt Shop announced a line of new scented candles– inspired by the memorable smells students can find on the University of Pittsburgh’s campus. ...

Pitt Merch Alert! The Pitt Shop releases “Perfumed at Pitt” collection of candles inspired by the aromas of Pitt’s Oakland campus

On Friday, November 10th, the Official Pitt Shop announced a line of new scented candles– inspired by the memorable smells students can find on the University of Pittsburgh’s campus. ...

Pitt Merch Alert! The Pitt Shop releases “Perfumed at Pitt” collection of candles inspired by the aromas of Pitt’s Oakland campus

On Friday, November 10th, the Official Pitt Shop announced a line of new scented candles– inspired by the memorable smells students can find on the University of Pittsburgh’s campus. ...

4 Tips on How to Survive the 3 Weeks After Thanksgiving but Before Christmas

Have you realized how much the next three weeks are going to suck? Are you stressed beyond belief? Did you procrastinate the entire second half of the semester saying “Oh, I’ll get ca...

4 Tips on How to Survive the 3 Weeks After Thanksgiving but Before Christmas

Have you realized how much the next three weeks are going to suck? Are you stressed beyond belief? Did you procrastinate the entire second half of the semester saying “Oh, I’ll get ca...

4 Tips on How to Survive the 3 Weeks After Thanksgiving but Before Christmas

Have you realized how much the next three weeks are going to suck? Are you stressed beyond belief? Did you procrastinate the entire second half of the semester saying “Oh, I’ll get ca...

Pitt Power Outage Notice Affects One Person

On December 17th at around 1:30 AM, Pitt sent out a notice to the community that the power would be out until around 3:00 AM. Most of the students were not in the dorms, as they had m...

Pitt Power Outage Notice Affects One Person

On December 17th at around 1:30 AM, Pitt sent out a notice to the community that the power would be out until around 3:00 AM. Most of the students were not in the dorms, as they had m...

Pitt Power Outage Notice Affects One Person

On December 17th at around 1:30 AM, Pitt sent out a notice to the community that the power would be out until around 3:00 AM. Most of the students were not in the dorms, as they had m...

The crows swarming Pitt’s campus signal the end of days. Here’s how you should prepare.

As you have probably noticed, recently, our campus has been plagued by an apparently unexpected bird migration. The birds–common crows–perch on the treetops, unloading on students and...

The crows swarming Pitt’s campus signal the end of days. Here’s how you should prepare.

As you have probably noticed, recently, our campus has been plagued by an apparently unexpected bird migration. The birds–common crows–perch on the treetops, unloading on students and...

The crows swarming Pitt’s campus signal the end of days. Here’s how you should prepare.

As you have probably noticed, recently, our campus has been plagued by an apparently unexpected bird migration. The birds–common crows–perch on the treetops, unloading on students and...

The crows swarming Pitt’s campus signal the end of days. Here’s how you should prepare.

As you have probably noticed, recently, our campus has been plagued by an apparently unexpected bird migration. The birds–common crows–perch on the treetops, unloading on students and...

We asked 100 Pitt Students: What does the ‘T.A’ in Joan T.A. Gabel stand for?

Contrary to popular belief, the T.A. in Pitt Chancellor Joan T.A. Gabel’s name does not stand for teaching assistant! In fact, no one in the world except the big boss herself has disc...

We asked 100 Pitt Students: What does the ‘T.A’ in Joan T.A. Gabel stand for?

Contrary to popular belief, the T.A. in Pitt Chancellor Joan T.A. Gabel’s name does not stand for teaching assistant! In fact, no one in the world except the big boss herself has disc...

Students at Ease After Child Prodigy Calls Class “No Big Deal”

The end of the add-drop period is usually a hectic, panic-driven time for students. Some try to squeeze into the best section for a class, per www.RateMyProfessors.com. Others need to...

Students at Ease After Child Prodigy Calls Class “No Big Deal”

The end of the add-drop period is usually a hectic, panic-driven time for students. Some try to squeeze into the best section for a class, per www.RateMyProfessors.com. Others need to...

Spring Panhellenic Recruitment Swarms WPU

On the weekend of January 13-14, Pitt’s Collegiate Panhellenic Association (Panhel) took over the William Pitt Union for their annual sorority recruitment event. Bravely clad in skirt...

Spring Panhellenic Recruitment Swarms WPU

On the weekend of January 13-14, Pitt’s Collegiate Panhellenic Association (Panhel) took over the William Pitt Union for their annual sorority recruitment event. Bravely clad in skirt...

Spring Panhellenic Recruitment Swarms WPU

On the weekend of January 13-14, Pitt’s Collegiate Panhellenic Association (Panhel) took over the William Pitt Union for their annual sorority recruitment event. Bravely clad in skirt...

Spring Panhellenic Recruitment Swarms WPU

On the weekend of January 13-14, Pitt’s Collegiate Panhellenic Association (Panhel) took over the William Pitt Union for their annual sorority recruitment event. Bravely clad in skirt...

Busted! Chancellor Gabel Caught Red-Handed Pulling Fire Alarm to Dispel Union Rally

On January 30 at 12:45 pm, the fire alarm was pulled in the Cathedral of Learning, forcing an evacuation of the entire building. After arriving on the scene, the Pittsburgh Bureau of ...

Busted! Chancellor Gabel Caught Red-Handed Pulling Fire Alarm to Dispel Union Rally

On January 30 at 12:45 pm, the fire alarm was pulled in the Cathedral of Learning, forcing an evacuation of the entire building. After arriving on the scene, the Pittsburgh Bureau of ...

Busted! Chancellor Gabel Caught Red-Handed Pulling Fire Alarm to Dispel Union Rally

On January 30 at 12:45 pm, the fire alarm was pulled in the Cathedral of Learning, forcing an evacuation of the entire building. After arriving on the scene, the Pittsburgh Bureau of ...

Pitt Students Celebrate Irrevocable Effects of Climate Change With Games, Festivities

This afternoon Pitt students could be seen on the Cathedral Lawn and in Schenley Plaza enjoying concerning levels of ultraviolet and thermal radiation. To celebrate the ever-increasin...

Fundraisers Shocked to Learn College Students are also in Need of Money

Approaching a group of students this evening, fundraiser Jesse Jenkins was hoping to collect a few dollars for the local chapter of Children’s Rescue Area Program (C.R.A.P.), but was ...

Fundraisers Shocked to Learn College Students are also in Need of Money

Approaching a group of students this evening, fundraiser Jesse Jenkins was hoping to collect a few dollars for the local chapter of Children’s Rescue Area Program (C.R.A.P.), but was ...

Fundraisers Shocked to Learn College Students are also in Need of Money

Approaching a group of students this evening, fundraiser Jesse Jenkins was hoping to collect a few dollars for the local chapter of Children’s Rescue Area Program (C.R.A.P.), but was ...

The Pitiful News Guide to 2024 SGB Elections

On February 27, Pitt undergrads (except for those losers in the College of General Studies) will cast their votes for Student Government Board for the 2024-25 academic year. Each stud...

The Pitiful News Guide to 2024 SGB Elections

On February 27, Pitt undergrads (except for those losers in the College of General Studies) will cast their votes for Student Government Board for the 2024-25 academic year. Each stud...

The Pitiful News Guide to 2024 SGB Elections

On February 27, Pitt undergrads (except for those losers in the College of General Studies) will cast their votes for Student Government Board for the 2024-25 academic year. Each stud...

The Pitiful News Best Of 2024

The Pitiful News’ annual “Best Of” survey gives a bunch of nerds wasting their Monday nights the chance to rank their favorite shops and people in Pittsburgh.

The Pitiful News Best Of 2024

The Pitiful News’ annual “Best Of” survey gives a bunch of nerds wasting their Monday nights the chance to rank their favorite shops and people in Pittsburgh.

Interview at the Briney Pickle

The Briney Pickle, the new deli station for the renovated Eatery, opened recently. We, as one of Pitt’s newspapers (arguably the better one), got to have a one-on-one interview with t...

Interview at the Briney Pickle

The Briney Pickle, the new deli station for the renovated Eatery, opened recently. We, as one of Pitt’s newspapers (arguably the better one), got to have a one-on-one interview with t...

Interview at the Briney Pickle

The Briney Pickle, the new deli station for the renovated Eatery, opened recently. We, as one of Pitt’s newspapers (arguably the better one), got to have a one-on-one interview with t...

Pitt Students Celebrate Irrevocable Effects of Climate Change With Games, Festivities

This afternoon Pitt students could be seen on the Cathedral Lawn and in Schenley Plaza enjoying concerning levels of ultraviolet and thermal radiation. To celebrate the ever-increasin...

Pitt Students Celebrate Irrevocable Effects of Climate Change With Games, Festivities

This afternoon Pitt students could be seen on the Cathedral Lawn and in Schenley Plaza enjoying concerning levels of ultraviolet and thermal radiation. To celebrate the ever-increasin...

Pitt Students Celebrate Irrevocable Effects of Climate Change With Games, Festivities

This afternoon Pitt students could be seen on the Cathedral Lawn and in Schenley Plaza enjoying concerning levels of ultraviolet and thermal radiation. To celebrate the ever-increasin...

To Our Surprise, 'Pittsburgh Popcorn Company' in Oakland Actually Not Front for the Mob

Have you ever seen anyone enter or leave from the popcorn shop on Fifth Avenue? Have you ever even noticed anyone working behind the counter, or witnessed a stranger walking along, ea...

To Our Surprise, 'Pittsburgh Popcorn Company' in Oakland Actually Not Front for the Mob

Have you ever seen anyone enter or leave from the popcorn shop on Fifth Avenue? Have you ever even noticed anyone working behind the counter, or witnessed a stranger walking along, ea...

Pitt Clubs “Finally Get It” After Reveal That All Internal Communications in SORC is Handled by One Very Overworked Carrier Pigeon

In a recent email to Pitt organization officers, SORC staff apologized for a temporary freeze in deposits and distributions, explaining that “Herald” had broken his wing which would i...

Pitt Clubs “Finally Get It” After Reveal That All Internal Communications in SORC is Handled by One Very Overworked Carrier Pigeon

In a recent email to Pitt organization officers, SORC staff apologized for a temporary freeze in deposits and distributions, explaining that “Herald” had broken his wing which would i...

Pitt Clubs “Finally Get It” After Reveal That All Internal Communications in SORC is Handled by One Very Overworked Carrier Pigeon

In a recent email to Pitt organization officers, SORC staff apologized for a temporary freeze in deposits and distributions, explaining that “Herald” had broken his wing which would i...

We Asked 100 Pitt Students What WVU Stands For

Here’s what they said:.West Virginia’s UndiesWoefully Vast UnderworldWomen Vote? UghWestern Virginia UniversityWest Vermin UniversityWest Vagrant UniversityWest Viagra UniversityWest ...

We Asked 100 Pitt Students What WVU Stands For

Here’s what they said:.West Virginia’s UndiesWoefully Vast UnderworldWomen Vote? UghWestern Virginia UniversityWest Vermin UniversityWest Vagrant UniversityWest Viagra UniversityWest ...

We Asked 100 Pitt Students What WVU Stands For

Here’s what they said:.West Virginia’s UndiesWoefully Vast UnderworldWomen Vote? UghWestern Virginia UniversityWest Vermin UniversityWest Vagrant UniversityWest Viagra UniversityWest ...

My Acceptable Gingers

Regardless of politics, backgrounds, and your steak temperature preference, we can all agree that gingers are what’s holding modern society back from achieving a future like the one f...

My Acceptable Gingers

Regardless of politics, backgrounds, and your steak temperature preference, we can all agree that gingers are what’s holding modern society back from achieving a future like the one f...

My Acceptable Gingers

Regardless of politics, backgrounds, and your steak temperature preference, we can all agree that gingers are what’s holding modern society back from achieving a future like the one f...

Insider Report: NASA Frantically Trying to Fake Landing on Earth’s Temporary Mini-Moon

If you’re a massive nerd or someone who blames all your problems on the phases of the moon (we’re looking at you, lycanthropes), you might have heard that Earth will temporarily have ...

Insider Report: NASA Frantically Trying to Fake Landing on Earth’s Temporary Mini-Moon

If you’re a massive nerd or someone who blames all your problems on the phases of the moon (we’re looking at you, lycanthropes), you might have heard that Earth will temporarily have ...

Insider Report: NASA Frantically Trying to Fake Landing on Earth’s Temporary Mini-Moon

If you’re a massive nerd or someone who blames all your problems on the phases of the moon (we’re looking at you, lycanthropes), you might have heard that Earth will temporarily have ...

Study finds most useless major is one you, the reader, have

PITTSBURGH, PA—In a surprising new paper, sure to send shockwaves across your department, a multi-part investigative study has found that your major, dear reader, is, in fact, the wor...

Study finds most useless major is one you, the reader, have

PITTSBURGH, PA—In a surprising new paper, sure to send shockwaves across your department, a multi-part investigative study has found that your major, dear reader, is, in fact, the wor...

Study finds most useless major is one you, the reader, have

PITTSBURGH, PA—In a surprising new paper, sure to send shockwaves across your department, a multi-part investigative study has found that your major, dear reader, is, in fact, the wor...

Pitt Student Surprised to Learn Poor Mood Result of Self-Destructive Habits

In a shocking turn of events this morning, Junior Lucas Strasburg discovered that his long-running mental slump has been the result of his self-destructive habits and tendencies. Alth...

Pitt Student Surprised to Learn Poor Mood Result of Self-Destructive Habits

In a shocking turn of events this morning, Junior Lucas Strasburg discovered that his long-running mental slump has been the result of his self-destructive habits and tendencies. Alth...

Reasons We'd Believe Panther Pit Will Be Raided

Reasons We'd Believe Panther Pit Will Be Raided