This afternoon Pitt students could be seen on the Cathedral Lawn and in Schenley Plaza enjoying concerning levels of ultraviolet and thermal radiation. To celebrate the ever-increasing amount of heat being trapped within the atmosphere overhead, students sprawled on blankets, lounged in hammocks, and danced to music.
Games of Spikeball and volleyball were conducted in honor of this record-breaking year of high global temperatures (beating out the record set the year previous). It’s likely the merrymaking will continue throughout the week as greenhouse gas emissions continue to exude from nearly all centers of commerce and industry with no signs of stopping.
“It’s just great to be out here in the summer weather, man,” Junior Josh Richardson commented while throwing a football with friends, “it feels exactly like it should for late May, early June, man.” When informed that it was in fact March and not May or June, Richardson replied “Let’s hope it just keeps getting hotter out here, man.”
As the planet continues to warm to unsurvivable temperatures, students have been keeping the mood light. Smiles and laughter are easy to spot within the frolicking, despite the looming, certain, and impending doom that awaits all earth-dwelling, warm-blooded life forms. The good vibes have been supplemented by hotdogs and hamburgers, sourced from methane-rich factory farms, and grilled over charcoal briquets.
Students thinking about joining the merrymaking are encouraged to think about the advantages of boat ownership – as rising sea levels are poised to make Pittsburgh a number-one coastline and watersports destination.