A staff writer for The Pitiful News has been fired from his job as a reservations attendant at the William Pitt Union after he shared an article in the workplace.
Max Wasserman, the Reservations Office PAWS Pal of the month for October 2023, says that he attempted to demonstrate the difficulties of working during January’s annual Collegiate Panhellenic Association (Panhel) recruitment weekend at the WPU. He claims that sharing his article recalling last year’s recruitment weekend led his superiors to fire him.
“I just wanted to avoid last year’s carnage,” said Wasserman. “Working Panhel weekend last year was hell on earth. We don’t deserve to go through that again. I still recoil in fear whenever I see someone wearing a puffer jacket crop top.”
Wasserman’s article described how last year’s recruitment sessions took over the WPU over for two days. Contents included piles of jackets and backpacks blocking the hallways and stairwells, bystanders trampled and stabbed by high heels, and exploding vapes causing perfume in the air to catch fire.
When asked for comment on Wasserman’s termination, WPU professional staff indicated that it was a decision against their wishes.
“Because I wasn’t working here last year and Panhel is one of my clients, Max wanted me to understand what happened last year,” said Melvin Gastro, the WPU Assistant Director for Day Operations.
“I met with the Panhel director about recruitment weekend and tried to talk about the concerns of my student workers. They pulled a gun on me and told me that if I didn’t fire the employee who said that they would slit me open from mouth to anus and wear me like a jacket. I didn’t have much of a choice.”
Out of fear for our lives, The Pitiful News declined to reach out to Panhel for comment.
In light of the impending Panhel recruitment weekend of January 18-19, a large number of WPU employees have declared that they refuse to work that weekend, according to Gastro.
“I’m fine with missing one shift. 30 bucks isn’t worth my sanity,” said a WPU front desk attendant, who wished to remain anonymous. “But I hope everyone that comes through this building knows that every employee is judging them very heavily.”
As a precaution, Pitt Police are advising the Pitt community to avoid the WPU during Panhel recruitment.
“Just stay away and you won’t get hurt,” said a police spokesperson. “We’ll be sure to send out an ENS alert to remind you.”