On January 26th, the Buffalo Bills yet again lost to the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC Championship. The Bills’ fourth straight playoff loss to Kansas City has cemented another chapter in their legacy of failure and is a damning indictment of Josh Allen’s lack of playoff ability. Which makes us all wonder: this is the guy Hailee Steinfeld chose?
Really? You could pick anyone, and you pick the guy that makes us watch Kansas City in the Super Bowl every year?
Hailee can’t bring down the joy she brings to the world with her work. I mean, True Grit, Bumblebee, Dickinson, Hawkeye, Arcane, Pitch Perfect 2? This is why I don’t understand why she attached herself to the man bringing a whole country nothing but misery every January. Why be with someone who looks terrible standing next to you?
Her most enduring fans, the lesbians, have certainly been let down. For those who don’t know, Hailee played Emily Dickinson (no further explanation needed); fought/flirted with Florence Pugh on Hawkeye; and turned Arcane viewers into a pack of feral simps. But to then make her fans learn football? And it isn’t even for the guy who wins all the time? If she does have to date a guy, it could have been a guy who does a cool sport, like…what do lesbians like? Rock climbing? I can learn rock climbing.
Let’s not forget who has really suffered here: Shameik Moore. He humiliated himself in interviews so many times, tripping over his words and doing everything he could to get her attention. The man tried so hard, and she never even looked at him. He’s fucking Spider-Man; is it his fault that Tobey Maguire, Andrew Garfield, and Tom Holland all gave him hope for dating his co-star? He’s a nice guy, why doesn’t he get a chance?
Shameik Moore is a guest contributor for The Pitiful News. See him in Beyond the Spider-Verse, coming eventually.