Vice Provost of Student Affairs Carla Panzella, Dean of Students Marlin Nabors, and the Office of Student Conduct have moved to suspend the Kendrick Lamar Fanclub from campus, effective immediately.
A cease-and-desist letter sent to the club’s leaders cites an alleged incident in December at the Hillman Library, where three students wearing Kendrick t-shirts were studying at a table. The students’ identities or affiliations with the club are unclear; however, according to Student Conduct, this constituted the club holding an unauthorized event in an unreservable space.
Library security called Pitt Police on the students, who refused to leave. Eyewitness accounts quote the students’ exact reasoning as, “Huh? For what?”
The club will not be allowed to host any events, on- or off-campus, until May, and will be on probation through December. Club leaders will be forced to complete trainings on proper operations, compliant event planning, and why Drake never tried to have sex with Millie Bobby Brown.
Dean Nabors, Vice Provost Panzella, and Director of Student Conduct Matthew Landy, issued a joint statement on the club’s suspension.
“The Drake Is A Pedophile Club has crossed the line with this unsanctioned event,” an excerpt from the statement reads.
“That has never been our club’s name and we did literally nothing,” said Carter Robinson, the club’s president.
“All student organizations must comply with the guidelines set for them in the Code of Conduct and the University’s governing documents,” the statement continued. “Drake is not a pedophile.”
On February 10, correspondents from The Pitiful News visited the 7th floor of the William Pitt Union to seek comment from Student Affairs and Student Conduct. They found Panzella and Landy in the Dean’s office, each sitting on the floor in the fetal position. Both were rocking back and forth while muttering, “They not like us, they not like us.”
Despite the suspension, Robinson said the club’s members have no plans to change their ways.
“We’ll probably just keep doing everything we’ve been doing under a different name,” Robinson said.