The end of the add-drop period is usually a hectic, panic-driven time for students. Some try to squeeze into the best section for a class, per www.RateMyProfessors.com. Others need to change a gen-ed requirement that would otherwise be put off until they’re a fifth-year senior. Most reconsider their STEM major entirely and picture what a cushy office job would look like after earning a marketing degree. However, this semester, student’s minds were put at ease by a remarkable child prodigy who attended Pitt this past fall.
Tobias Gladstone, age 13, has been regarded as one of the brightest up-and-coming minds of his generation. Completing his high school education at the age of 11, Tobias spends his time musing over theoretical applications for quantum physics, reading books on linear algebra, and building legos with his siblings. Enrolling in the fall, Tobias is well on his way to earning his degree – finishing his semester with a 4.00 GPA and accolades from all of his professors.
The student body has reported feeling “very relaxed” by the addition of Gladstone on campus. “I was so scared of taking Ochem this semester,” Sophomore Sophia Lewis told The Pitiful News, “but after talking to Tobias he assured me it’s really not that big of a deal.”
Per Tobias, “Organic Chemistry is a course with basic principles rooted in elementary concepts that can be reduced even further when one possesses an extensive understanding of simple bonding orbitals and trends in both reactivity and intramolecular forces. As long as one can comfortably diagram a certain subset of chemical reactions from memory, it’s quite easy to excel within the class.”
The Enrollment Office has reported that Gladstone’s advice has led to record attendance during the first two weeks of classes such as Physics: 0110 and Biology: 0150. It’s unclear if this trend will last the whole semester, particularly by finals week – although Tobias claims things “get really fun” around then.
At press time students have been using the extended drop period to save their grades and to inquire about summer classes.