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Pitt Clubs “Finally Get It” After Reveal That All Internal Communications in SORC is Handled by One Very Overworked Carrier Pigeon

Ben Adams · Business Manager Apr 01, 2024
Pitt Clubs “Finally Get It” After Reveal That All Internal Communications in SORC is Handled by One Very Overworked Carrier Pigeon
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In a recent email to Pitt organization officers, SORC staff apologized for a temporary freeze in deposits and distributions, explaining that “Herald” had broken his wing which would impede their normal bookkeeping processes. While this message initially confused the student body, a quick follow-up email 5 weeks later elaborated on the delays:

“Since Pitt is a government-funded institution, we are obligated to handle banking information with utmost security”, writes Trever Benedum, Manager of Financial Affairs. “To prevent the kind of downtime associated with encrypted computer systems, we’ve gone ahead and taken care of things the old-fashioned way. Herald, our trusty and sole carrier pigeon, makes the system work for all of us.”

Astute students might have previously observed Herald dodging in and out of the various windows of the William Pitt Union, where he is responsible for delivering documentation of various transactions between the rooms of the SORC office. According to inside sources, Herald is particularly frail, and can only carry the weight of about one W-9 at a time.

“There’s a lot of waiting between deliveries’’, says Billy Jenglings, a student employee at SORC. “We think he’s building a nest on top of Cathy with the reimbursement requests, but we can’t be too sure. When students come in asking about receipts, I usually just tell them it’s ‘going through the system.’”

Pitt students, unexpectedly, do not appear to be shaken by the recent information. “I was confused before, but that makes a lot of sense,” said Jeremy Andrews, business manager for the Pottery Club at Pitt. “I used to wonder why it took months for our deposit to show up in our club account, but then I realized we’ve been rubbing right against the migration season.” Other clubs have shared similar sentiments. President of the Fishing Club, Peter Jarkins, reported that he “noticed a long time ago”. He went on to say that he “started leaving a few kernels of cracked corn” whenever he went to purchasing hours and “since then, everything’s been running really smoothly over [there].”

Cognizant of Herald’s old age, SORC leadership has promised to install telegrams by 2028.