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BREAKING: Towers Dryer Dries Clothes
OAKLAND—In a shocking turn of events, sophomore and Tower A RA Abby Jenkins reported to Panther Central this past Sunday that Towers dryer number 98—which, like the others, usually br...
In Student Life, Sep 21, 2025
Club Stages Coup After Discovering President is from West Virginia
The Pitiful News is currently looking for a new President/Editor-In-Chief after the club forcefully removed their former President from Monday’s meeting after finding out she is from ...
In Student Life, Sep 12, 2025
Our Review of the New Forbes McDonalds
Who’s hungry! The Forbes Street McDonalds is back in action, and we at the Pitiful News are excited to share our experiences from a recent visit to the golden arches.
In Food And Culture, Mar 30, 2025
“For Us, Panthers” Slate Platform
We, the “For Us, Panthers” Slate, are running in the upcoming election for SGB. We value honesty, so we’re giving our platform to The Pitiful News, the most trustworthy news site on o...
In Student Life, Feb 27, 2025
Opinion: The Pitiful News Endorses Joan Gabel Jr. For SGB
Wowee, we actually have a student government election this year!
In Student Life, Feb 27, 2025
Admin Suspends Kendrick Lamar Fanclub From Campus
Vice Provost of Student Affairs Carla Panzella, Dean of Students Marlin Nabors, and the Office of Student Conduct have moved to suspend the Kendrick Lamar Fanclub from campus, effecti...
In Entertainment, Feb 16, 2025
Opinion: Hailee Steinfeld Deserves A More Successful Fiancé
On January 26th, the Buffalo Bills yet again lost to the Kansas City Chiefs in the AFC Championship. The Bills’ fourth straight playoff loss to Kansas City has cemented another chapte...
In Sports, Feb 09, 2025
Pitiful News Writer Fired From Campus Job For Sharing Article
A staff writer for The Pitiful News has been fired from his job as a reservations attendant at the William Pitt Union after he shared an article in the workplace.
In Student Life, Jan 18, 2025
Emergency Vehicles Converge on Nordenberg for 'no reason in particular'
OAKLAND—Today, University Place, home to the feared and revered ‘Nordenberg Hall,’ saw a common sight: an assorted jumble of dawdling emergency vehicles. The scant road was home to an...
In Student Life, Dec 01, 2024
Devastated Pitt Student Had No Idea There Was An Election
PITTSBURGH, PA— Mitchell Barber, a Pitt Sophomore, was utterly aghast upon learning that the election had passed him by. “I was like, shit, that was this year?” Barber told the Pitifu...
In Politics, Nov 11, 2024
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Proposal: New Way For Admin to Determine Campus Safety After Winter Storms
In Opinion, -
Pitt Athletic Department to Defund Electric Scooters, Improve Gameday Performance
In Current, -
Opinion: Pitt Med Research Filled with Incomprehensible Jargon
In Science and Technology, -
Pitt Student Surprised to Learn Poor Mood Result of Self-Destructive Habits
In Student Life,