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The Pitiful News Best Of 2024
The Pitiful News’ annual “Best Of” survey gives a bunch of nerds wasting their Monday nights the chance to rank their favorite shops and people in Pittsburgh.
In Student Life, Apr 01, 2024
The Pitiful News Guide to 2024 SGB Elections
On February 27, Pitt undergrads (except for those losers in the College of General Studies) will cast their votes for Student Government Board for the 2024-25 academic year. Each stud...
In Politics, Feb 26, 2024
Fundraisers Shocked to Learn College Students are also in Need of Money
Approaching a group of students this evening, fundraiser Jesse Jenkins was hoping to collect a few dollars for the local chapter of Children’s Rescue Area Program (C.R.A.P.), but was ...
In Student Life, Feb 26, 2024
Busted! Chancellor Gabel Caught Red-Handed Pulling Fire Alarm to Dispel Union Rally
On January 30 at 12:45 pm, the fire alarm was pulled in the Cathedral of Learning, forcing an evacuation of the entire building. After arriving on the scene, the Pittsburgh Bureau of ...
In Current, Jan 30, 2024
Spring Panhellenic Recruitment Swarms WPU
On the weekend of January 13-14, Pitt’s Collegiate Panhellenic Association (Panhel) took over the William Pitt Union for their annual sorority recruitment event. Bravely clad in skirt...
In Student Life, Jan 24, 2024
Exclusive: A Look Inside the Conduct Violation Hearing for Student Protestors
At the Board of Trustees meeting on September 29, the activist groups Trans Action Building and Fossil Free Pitt were escorted out after repeatedly interrupting the proceedings (you c...
In Current, Jan 24, 2024
Students at Ease After Child Prodigy Calls Class “No Big Deal”
The end of the add-drop period is usually a hectic, panic-driven time for students. Some try to squeeze into the best section for a class, per www.RateMyProfessors.com. Others need to...
In Student Life, Jan 22, 2024
We asked 100 Pitt Students: What does the ‘T.A’ in Joan T.A. Gabel stand for?
Contrary to popular belief, the T.A. in Pitt Chancellor Joan T.A. Gabel’s name does not stand for teaching assistant! In fact, no one in the world except the big boss herself has disc...
In Current, Jan 12, 2024
The crows swarming Pitt’s campus signal the end of days. Here’s how you should prepare.
As you have probably noticed, recently, our campus has been plagued by an apparently unexpected bird migration. The birds–common crows–perch on the treetops, unloading on students and...
In Current, Dec 21, 2023
Pitt Power Outage Notice Affects One Person
On December 17th at around 1:30 AM, Pitt sent out a notice to the community that the power would be out until around 3:00 AM. Most of the students were not in the dorms, as they had m...
In Student Life, Dec 17, 2023
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Devastated Pitt Student Had No Idea There Was An Election
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Opinion: Pitt Med Research Filled with Incomprehensible Jargon
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Pitt Student Surprised to Learn Poor Mood Result of Self-Destructive Habits
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Pitt Clubs “Finally Get It” After Reveal That All Internal Communications in SORC is Handled by One Very Overworked Carrier Pigeon
In Student Life,